Tag Archives: Life

Revisting LiveJournal

Thanks to some scuttlebutt over on Bluesky on New Year’s Day regarding the site’s short- and long-term prospects, I recently decided to visit my old LiveJournal accounts and start cut-and-pasting the text from my posts into a Word document. Nothing fancy — I’m not preserving the formatting, tags, comments, timestamp, or any other peripheral information. Just the date, title, and primary text. I’m also not including memes or shared links that are only accompanied by a line or two of snarky commentary. Thus far, I’ve saved the period covering November 3, 2004 through July 29, 2005. The file contains over 28,000 words and is nearly 75 pages long.

Damn, I wrote a lot — and frankly overshared far more — back in the day.

I haven’t looked at most of this material in years. So, while working my way through the posts, I’ve skimmed them. It’s been… enlightening. The period I’ve downloaded thus far covers a period in time where, in retrospect, I was beginning to burn out in my previous profession. At the time, I thought I was just in a bad work situation, and during 2005 I had a multi-month long job hunt that led me to the last of the positions I held as an executive assistant. However, the combination of rereading what I wrote and what I recall from being an E.A. at a big four accounting and consulting firm makes it pretty clear that it wasn’t situational at all. No, it was the job itself. The things I’m complaining about in those posts are frankly the kinds of things I dealt with at all my jobs as an E.A. from the summer of ’96 through the end of ’06.

It’s also the period where Brandon was a toddler, and it’s a joy to be reminded of little things that happened during that time that I hadn’t thought about in years. It was also the period where I launched Some Fantastic — something I’m still immensely proud of. Frankly, in retrospect, I’m not entirely certain how I managed to achieve so much during that period.

Reading all this material is also motivating me to start posting here more. I certainly don’t need to post as often as I did in the old LJ days, and that certainly applies moreso to the oversharing that took over there. However, the Bluesky and Facebook formats encourage a style of writing that really isn’t me. The one thing I’ve successfully internalized over the past few years is the need to be my authentic self. It’s time to apply that to posting online as well. 

March 3, 2025, 4:15 AM

Currently thinking about Harlan Ellison’s waxing philosophically about being a part of the walking dead.1 Along those lines, I’d love nothing more than to just live a life untroubled by the knowledge of the world around me. I know that for the overwhelming majority of people throughout human history, life has been hard – my comparatively cushy life contains privileges I’m sure to don’t comprehend. Nonetheless, I currently function under the strain of a couple of anxieties that are paradoxically separate yet also somewhat intertwined: anxiety over the current state of affairs here in the United States, and anxiety over the many existential threats looming over the long-term survival of the human species (and if not the species, then absolutely human civilization as we now know it.)

Anyway, the upshot is that waking up in the middle of the night and then having issues getting back to sleep is a real thing. Some nights, such as this evening, reading fiction after waking up in the middle of the night allows my brain to settle down enough for sleep to resume. In fact, I spent most of the past two hours doing just that before my focus drifted from my ebook to jotting down the thoughts now appearing on the screen. Thus far, tonight – maybe I should really say “early morning” – this effort to burn down my mental energy hasn’t worked. 

(Quick aside: it seems amusingly fucked up that reading Deadline, a novel set in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, is preferable to letting the anxiety siblings run amok in my head.) 

Anyway, for some time now, I’ve been saying I needed to start forcing myself to write again in some fashion. All things considered, maybe using insomnia time to write, in addition to the reading, may not be the worst impetus to make that start happening.

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1 “You think I enjoy getting up angry every morning, going to bed angry every night? To go through the day with the veins standing out, the bolts unscrewing in my neck? Jesus Christ, I would give anything to be able to be as mellow and cool as most people. I would be one of those slaves, the walking dead, but it would be a relief. Give me six months as a walking dead and I will never say anything angry again.” — Harlan Ellison, Dreams With Sharp Teeth